Courage
by lalez
Summary: Dating in a small town can be stressful. Figure in your own insecurities and the inability to read minds and you have dating in Atlantis down. This is my take on how this could work and why we didn't see much "coupling" on screen.
1. Insecure

_I gotta be cool, relax, get hip_ _  
_ _And get on my track's_ _  
_ _Take a back seat, hitch-hike_ _  
_ _And take a long ride on my motorbike_ _  
_ _Until I'm ready_

 _Crazy little thing called love – Queen_

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The cafeteria is bustling all around her. It is supper time and almost everyone, except the security teams are here. She chose a corner table and had been enjoying some quiet time; even her brain had managed to shut off for a little while.

But that all changed when he walked in. It was unnerving, but she knew exactly when he had entered the room, she always knew. She then had managed to keep him in her sights almost all the time because of her seat at the wall in the back.

 _Hopefully no one noticed me looking over all the time. That would be one embarrassing thing to explain. I'd rather die._

Still she couldn't stop herself. He sat at a middle table all alone right now and from the moment he had sat down she had debated with herself if she should go over and say hello.

She stops twirling her hair and lets out a frustrated huff but continues her inner discussion anyway, now switching to drawing circles on the table with her fingers.

 _Would it be so bad to walk over to him and eat together? We work together, live together so we can share a table and talk. Right?_

One moment later she already was thinking about a million reasons why not to go over.

 _ **But what if he is waiting for someone? What if he wants to be alone?**_

The positive voice in her head found a way to contradict her inner pessimist time and again:

 _He wouldn't have started eating if that were the case and hello, he chose a big table, so you can join him! Just get up, grab a dessert and go over there!_

 _ **What if he doesn't want my company? He could've come over to my table.**_

 _Maybe he is thinking the same thing about you?_

"Yeah right!" she says to herself and shakes her head a couple of times to get rid of all the conflicting and contradicting thoughts in her head.

"This is ridiculous." she mumbles once more quietly.  
 _ **No need to obsess over something that will never happen. He has so many women to choose from, he isn't interested in someone like me.**_

And finally, she has made a decision: she grabs an apple from the dessert selection and walks out onto the balcony to enjoy the sunset – alone.

For now.

* * *

 **AN: Yes, I know not much plot here. But it was on my hard-drive and I am trying to get back into the groove. I had a pairing in mind while I planned this but I guess I didn't give any indication as to who or did I?**


	2. Jealous

_She loves only one boy_ _  
_ _She's faithful and true_ _  
_ _If I were that one boy_ _  
_ _I'd be faithful, too_ _  
_ _Perfect in every way from her head to her toes_

 _The Guess Who – His Girl_

He relishes his free mornings and loves that he has the time to have breakfast in peace. He isn't in a hurry for once and so he takes his time scanning the room, pretending to look for a place to sit.

If he is honest to himself, he is only checking if she is at her table. Yes, he already thinks of it as her table.

 _Get a grip. If you don't go to her you don't need to know if she is here!_

That is when he spots her, and his feet lead him amazingly in her direction, but then he notices it. Her eyes are trained downwards. She is looking at something. Turning a page.

 _Great… she is reading. So, she wants to be left alone._

Dejected he just grabs the next seat and puts his tray in front of him.

 _ **How do you figure, reading a book means she wants to be left alone?**_

The second voice in his head just needs to get a point in. He can't really say when it started but he has a feeling it was around the time he first realized that he was too chicken to talk to her outside of professional settings.

By now he already has a trick up his sleeve to drown the two arguing voices in his head out. He simply goes through his plans for the day and steers his thoughts purposely in a different direction. And for a short moment it works. That is until he hears her laugh.

His head automatically shoots up and he looks over to the corner. Her book is now closed in front of her on table and she talks to _him._

 _ **See she didn't want to be left alone. Now she is talking to talk, dark and handsome. That could've been you.**_

He sighs and continues his meal.

 _She probably had been waiting for him._

He tries to block out the twosome at the table across the room and regrets his place now. Every time he looks up, he can see them.

She smiles at the other guy.

 _God, I love her smile! But she will probably never smile at me like that._

He hates himself, but he notices her laughs, the loose strands of hair falling in her face and he hates that he sees how relaxed she is around the guy.

He is jealous and wishes she would touch his arm like that. And there is nothing he can do about it.

She isn't and never will be _his_ girl.

Right?

* * *

 **AN: Okay, here we go again. Not much more information in here. But it looks like he is just as insecure as she is. I am trying to keep this short (the plan says 8-10 short chapters). Next up: Meeting in a non-professional setting ;)**


	3. Frozen

_Take a look in the mirror_ _  
_ _And what do you see_ _  
_ _Do you see it clearer_ _  
_ _Or are you deceived_ _  
_ _In what you believe_

 _Rag 'n' Bone Man – Human_

* * *

She should've tried to sleep more last night after her shift and not read any files, but she didn't and now she was running late for her meeting and she needs to re-read all the files.

 _Just my luck. I should've known that it wouldn't work._

So, now she was hurrying through the corridors to the meeting room with her nose stuck in her papers. She was so immersed in her reading she didn't hear the footsteps coming in her direction – until it was too late.

She felt herself slam into something, _someone_ , but her only thought was for her papers and that she would be really late for her meeting now.

She was trying to get back up on her feet when she realized who she had run in to.

 _Oh god. Can the floor please swallow me now? He must think I am a total klutz._

 _ **No, he doesn't but if you keep staring at him, he definitively will think you are crazy!**_

She shakes her head to get rid of the voices and then looks up. She sees a flash of

 _confusion? That can't be right._

worry in his eyes and finally notices the hand he offers her to help her up again.

 _No way. If I touch him now, I'll probably can masquerade as a tomato for a while._

 _ **If you don't take his hand, he will think you are afraid of him… and could you answer him?**_

And then she finally realized that he was fixing her with his ice blue eyes and waiting for her answer. "Are you okay? Did you hit your head?" _Huh? That sounded worried._

"Yes, I'm okay. Just angry at myself. I am totally late now. Sorry. I should've been looking where I was going." She rattles off while grabbing all sheets of paper and stuffing them in the folder in no particular order.

 _I can re-sort them later. Now I need to get out of here. If I want anyone to take me serious around here, I should try to not be too late._

She pushes herself of the ground and the wall closest to her; ignoring the still outstretched hand. One last look around told her she had all her papers in her folder again, which she was now holding secure with crossed arms in front of her chest. She gave him a quick, uneasy smile, steps around him and leaves as quick as she can. When she rounds the next corner, she leans against the wall and tries to rain in her own emotions.

This run-in had been unexpected.

 _Maybe we can still become friends?_

 _ **Not more?**_

* * *

 **AN: So my favorite klutz has had a non-professional run-in with her crush. Next up we will get to see how he deals with this. Thanks for reading and I hope you stick with me.**


	4. (Re)Focused

**AN: Hi guys, thanks for sticking with me. We are getting there. I promise. Just to clarify something: The actor playing our "guy" said in an interview his eyes are grey but tend to shine according to his clothes (and my google image search confirmed this for me.) And now on with the show. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _I've been patient, I've been good  
Tried to keep my hands on the table  
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back  
You know what I mean_

 _I'm sure you'll understand my point of view  
We know each other mentally  
You gotta know that you're bringin' out  
The animal in me_

 _Physical – Olivia Newton-John_

Working out his frustrations in the gym might not exactly help his situation but he can get rid of the nervous energy and maybe get his head back on straight.

 _Why didn't you say something to her? No, you let her run away from you._

 _ **She looked like she was afraid of me. What could I have done?**_

 _Maybe she was more embarrassed? She had just barreled into you!_

He decided to go back to beating the sandbag to stop his thoughts from running wild. Thank god he had been alone in the gym for the last hour. It probably hadn't been a pretty sight: Him beating onto the bag without abandon would've for sure raised more than one eyebrow and he was sure that his men would've declared him insane.

 _ **And the last thing I want is getting send to the base shrink.**_

Finally, he notices that his knuckles ache by now. Probably have for a while.

 _ **Better stop now before I have to report to the infirmary for treatment.**_

 _Or not… and you can see her. Talk to her. Let her take care of you._

 _ **And explain this how?**_

 _The truth!?_

After one last punch he turned around to grab his bag and water bottle. He felt his knuckles already slightly swelling up.

 ** _I must have been extremely distracted…_**

He smiled at that thought while he dug in his bag to find some gel to cool his bruised hand. He couldn't exactly pinpoint when he had ever been this worked up about a girl in the past. But if he had to guess, never. Not even in his high school days.

After he had rudimentarily taken care of his hand and send a silent prayer that it wouldn't worsen over night he made his way back to his quarters to shower and get ready for his shift.

 _ **If I have to explain this in the infirmary…. I simply can't. It wasn't even during sparing.**_

 _You could ask someone to spar with you and go after…_

He shakes his head to rid himself once more of the crazy voices in his head. It isn't really working but he manages to focus on his shift anyway. In the end he realizes that he has to do something, anything to at least try to find out if there is even a friendship possible.

 _ **I'll take anything she is willing to give me.**_

 _Can you really be her friend watch her be with someone else?_

His head really knows him best and challenges his every move, but he ignores the negative voices and makes a resolution:

Next time she is sitting in the cafeteria _alone_ : I will join her and talk to her. It is that easy.

 _This can only end in heartbreak!_

 _ **Or not.**_


	5. Surprised

_Always thought it was foolish_ _  
_ _Writing a love song_ _  
_ _This young_ _  
_ _Romancing is for movies_ _  
_ _I'll never want any part in_ _  
_ _So how I'd get here?_ _  
_ _On the grass at the edge of blue water_ _  
_ _With this beautiful view_ _  
_ _But, God, I'm only looking at you_

 _Michelle Creber – Unexpected_

The last couple of days had been really quiet for her and she was feeling a little more like herself again.

 _It helped that he was off world for a while and I didn't run into him anymore._

She enjoyed her table at the balcony, the view and the peaceful sound of the waves hitting the pier.

"Mind if we join you?" a voice tore through her thoughts.

 _Maybe a little company will do me some good._

She puts on a smile and turns around to face her visitor. "Go ahead. There is still room." But when she notices the second person she freezes.

She manages to recover and hopes they didn't notice her little (inner) freak-out.

 _Don't be afraid. You're not alone with him so you most likely are not going to embarrass yourself._

 _ **Yeah, but John is a wildcard.**_

She observes the two men sitting down and then continues her meal. She figures they are going to start discussing missions and schedules soon, so she plans on finishing up quick and excuse herself. She wasn't expecting them to start a conversation with her:

"So Doc, I have god news and bad news." "Excuse me? Since when are you allowed to tell me bad news?" she teases hoping this is not what she thinks this is about.

"Dr. Biro had a family emergency and is gating back to earth in an hour, so you get to go to M4G-645 with us."

"And where is the good news in that statement?" she shoots back. "And stop grinning like that!"

 _Why is John grinning like the damn cat who ate the canary? Going off world is not good news._

"Aw, Doc you wound me. Getting to go with us should be good news!"

 _Was he just gesturing between himself and … oh god no._

Her thoughts get sidetracked by a new statement: "Sir, M4G-645 has strict policies on females over the age of 16 and Dr. Biro was supposed to be…"

"Yes, major. Thanks for reminding me. Doc meet your new fiancé."

It takes her a minute to register fully what she just heard and then she sputters: "What?"

 _Was that an echo?_

 _ **No, someone didn't know that part of the plan either!**_

 _He is still grinning like an idiot!_

"Stop grinning and start talking! If I don't like your plan you better not get hurt in a while!" she threatens with a laugh and leans back to hear the crazy mission plan. For which she apparently has to pretend to be engaged to her crush.

 _Just great!_

John explains the customs of M4G-645 and it seems that every girl gets promised to someone at the age of 16 to ensure she won't end up alone. They apparently also only allow females in their town if they are at least betrothed.

After she has listened to the plan in total: she is going to be treating the females and kids while the men are negotiating a trade agreement. They also want her to find out more about how the female population feels about that tradition.

When she is finally back in her quarters and has time to think her mind just has two questions for her:

 _Are you going to be able to pull this off without blushing the whole time? **Probably not!**_

and _What could go wrong?_

 _ **Everything? It's a John Sheppard plan.**_

* * *

 **Yes, I needed a little mission in here. It serves a purpose and I love John Sheppard the gossip and joker.**


	6. Agitated

**AN: Hi guy, sorry it took a while but our major was a little reluctant to talk to his nosy CO. And before I forget it again: Credit where credit is due. Last chapters final lines were inspired by (and/or stolen from)** _RowenaR_ **whose stories I've read kind of obsessively in the last months (yes, I was late to that particular party too.) and the base concept for this story was inspired by** _daisyscrapper_ **. Both are fantastic authors who I respect and admire. And now on with the show. PS I love your guesses and I hope you were right 😊 (KnittingLady I couldn't respond to you but thanks for your guess and review too!)**

* * *

 _Day and night, forever trading places_  
 _Good and evil sleeping side by side_  
 _In this world full of plenty of stuff_  
 _You'd think there'd be enough love to go around_

 _Devo- Agitated_

He couldn't decide what was more stressful right now. Having to re-prep the mission in two days with a new doctor or having to re-prep with a girl he really was interested in. On top of this short prep time came that in every meeting Sheppard and Ronon were also in the room. He really didn't feel well prepared.

 _I had two weeks with Lindsey to get to a place where we could pass as a couple. How is this going to work? Jennifer didn't look all too happy with going on this mission with me._

 _ **Or is it just going on a mission in general?**_

His inner voices were getting on his nerves and taking into account that he should've been in a last-minute briefing with Sheppard 5 minutes ago he should really get his head back on straight.

 _This is just going to be a mission. Nothing difficult. Friendly visit._

He took a deep breath to stop his running thoughts and knocked on Sheppard's door.

He heard Sheppard call for him to enter and as always, the door swooshed open.

His CO motioned for him to take a seat and leaned back looking _concerned._

 _What is that look on his face? Is there a problem?_

"Major, why do you look so unhappy? Did we miss anything in prep?" he heard Sheppard ask.

 ** _Answer you idiot!_**

"Sir? I don't understand…" _**Yeah, try to play dumb. That always works.**_

He catches himself and tries to correct: "Well, Sir to be honest I am concerned for Dr. Keller's safety. What if something goes wrong and she goes missing?"

He thinks he sees surprise and a small smirk on his CO's face, but it is gone in a flash and the general command look is back.

"What would you do if Dr. Biro got hurt or missing?" _Playing dumb would've been better. Now you have to sound like an idiot._

"Call for back up."

"Correct! And that is what you will do if anything goes wrong, besides you have your team with you. Anything else on your mind?"

He shakes his head, because anything he will say now will sound even more moronic.

"Major, you still don't look convinced. I would've thought you'd be happy not to play boytoy to Dr. Biro but get a young beautiful fiancé." _**Great even blank face doesn't work where she is concerned. Time to create some distance!**_

 _On that mission? Good luck!_

The voices in his head have an opinion on everything.

"Sir?" _Yeah, that playing dumb thing worked so well the first time around. Don't you learn?!_

"This is a mission. I don't really care what the people think about me and my life choices. And this is all pretend. So, I don't care either way."He shrugs for effect. _Hopefully that worked._

 _There is the damn smirk again!_ This time he is sure.

"If you say so. Then there is nothing stopping you now. Go, get ready."

It takes him a second too long to react but he makes his leave and starts getting packed.

* * *

 **Yes, next chapter we finally leave the city.**


	7. Nervous

**AN: See, I am posting again ;). Just so you know I have the rest of this planned out already. Just need to write it (when I find the time). And a certain Colonel is bullying me into giving him an epilogue. So we will see. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _I get a little bit nervous around you_ _  
_ _Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you_ _  
_ _Get a little excited_ _  
_ _Baby, when I think about you, yeah_ _  
_ _Talk a little too much around you (I talk a little too much, yeah)_ _  
_ _Get a little self-conscious (I get a little self-conscious)_ _  
_ _When I think about you_

 _Nervous - Shawn Mendes_

She is double, or better _triple_ checking her material for the coming days. Trying to keep busy and not to think too much on the non-medical part of the mission. She still has Colonel Sheppard in her ear "Remember Major is not his first name!" _If I start calling him Evan, I'll never be able to stop again…_

 _ **And what is wrong with that?**_

"Stop obsessing and concentrate!" she berates herself silently. When she hears someone clearing their throat she whirls around.

"Doc, you shouldn't talk to yourself. Makes you look crazy!"

"Calling your doctor crazy; Colonel have you forgotten that I get to pick the needle for the next treatment?" _Banter with that man is just too easy. Why can't it be like this with the Major?_ _ **Call him Evan and maybe it will!**_

She composes herself and asks the obvious: "What are you doing here anyway? Am I late already?"

He holds up his hand and makes an inviting motion: "No. Don't worry. But I brought your pack mules!" _That smirk. Sometimes I just want to wipe it off his face._

Lieutenants Reed, Coughlin and Edison file into the room and grab a pack each before she can protest. Her face betrays her confusion and so she hears an amused John Sheppard again. "Doc be realistic. You never would've been able to carry all that gear yourself and before you protest you could carry your own bag. Do you remember Rodney complaining when we got back?"

"He said he had broken his back because, and I quote 'Cadman's crap was too heavy'." "Yes, apparently women do not do heavy lifting in that culture and their men have to carry their stuff. You will like it there. "Sheppard glances at his watch, clears his throat again and beckons her out the door. "Don't want you to be late for your trip."

She walks with him to the gate room and when they arrive, she notices a that everyone is already waiting for her. She also notices a short flash of _hurt_ _ **That can't be right.**_ on Evan's face. She squares her shoulders and walks up to the group of men carrying her bags.

Behind her she can also hear Colonel Sheppard instruct Lorne to stick to her like glue, which prompts her to turn around and glare at the man. "I am not that bad!" She get's no verbal reply, only raised eyebrows. So, she turns back around and ignores the whole thing.

Sheppard give the order to dial the gate and she feels _Evan_ come up next to her.

 _Here we go._

The planet is beautiful. Green grass, trees, flowers and little ponds dot their way to the village, where they will be staying the next couple of days. She hates walking in silence and so she tries to come up with a good topic. At first, she draws a blank but then she remembers that McKay hated this planet with a passion. "Evan, can you explain to me how it was decided that McKay had to be Lieutenant Cadman's husband on this planet? You were here the last time with much more men than women?" _That feels weird calling him by his name._

She thought she saw him tense up a little at her use of his first name. _**Maybe you just startled him by speaking. You've been trotting along silent until then.**_

She was rewarded for her initiative when he smiled and laughed. "You will love this story, Doc." "Jennifer" she felt compelled to correct him.

"Okay, _Jennifer_ now listen to the tale how our Colonel decided who is married to whom."

She nearly forgot to breathe when she heard her name and saw the twinkle in his eyes.

 _The butterflies are definitely here to stay._

 _ **Get a grip you're not a teenager anymore.**_


	8. Enchanted

**Here we go again.**

* * *

 _Stop and stare_ _  
_ _You start to wonder why you're here not there_ _  
_ _And you'd give anything to get what's fair_ _  
_ _But fair ain't what you really need_ _  
_ _Oh, can you see what I see'_

 _Stop and Stare – One Republic_

They had left Atlantis around mid morning and after they had arrived in the village, he had to _disobey_ one of Sheppard's orders already. He had left Jennifer alone with Edison to set up the clinic since Alizar, the village elder had wanted to start their trade negotiations. His stomach was rumbling and that told him it was time for lunch. He made his way back to the hut, which they used for the clinic. He knew she would be safe with Edison, but he was antsy to see for himself.

On his way over the village square he could already hear her laughter and he felt himself smile.

 _God, get a grip. You're not a love-sick teenager._

On their hike to the village he had learned he loved to hear her laugh.

 _And she had to start the conversation. You're an idiot._

He shakes his head one more time and steps into the hut. He takes a quick look around and sees that the waiting area is clear.

 _So far, so good. Time for a break._

But the next thing he notices makes his blood boil for a second and he hopes no one saw the flash of jealousy on his face.

 _But I am supposed to be her fiance._

 _ **You still have no actual right to be jealous!**_

He sees her with a young man, _the village healer_ his inner voice adds and notices her fingers playing with her hair. Talking and laughing animatedly with the other man. He can't say how long he stood there in the door. He didn't even hear Edison come up from behind him. "Sir, did you need anything from me?"

 _Wow, I must be getting old._ _ **Or stupid!**_

He quickly composes himself and just asks: "No, I was just thinking about grabbing something to eat and wanted to see if you are hungry too. Where are you coming from?"

 _Why did you leave her alone?_ His inner voice wanted to scream at his Lieutenant, but he could stop himself.

When Edison replied he realized he must have looked rather angry. The young mans voice sounded a little scared when he explained "I was just grabbing the food for the doc, Kirun and myself. I brought plenty, so you can join in if you like, Sir."

 _Kirun?_

 _ **The guy your girl is flirting with right now.**_

He strides to the still laughing twosome who didn't seem to have noticed anything of the exchange between him and Edison. "Hello, you ready for a break, Jennifer?" he asks, sits down next to her and puts his arm around her.

 _And now she freezes up._ _ **Possessive idiot.**_

It feels like hours before she relaxes against him and replies smiling: "Only if you brought food!"

 _Thank god I waited until Edison came with the food._ _ **You didn't wait. You were to chicken to interrupt.**_

After everyone grabbed some food, he tries to focus on the conversation but can only make out that they are discussing herbal remedies for all sorts of ailments. He loves to see _Jennifer_ smile. And so he just observes silently until it is time for him to return to the negotiations.

Before he leaves, he instructs Edison once more to be on his toes and never leave her alone.


	9. Exhausted

**AN: Here is the next part. I plan on finishing the story this year. And I got attacked by a new bunny... blame Joe Flannigan and his Instagram post about being a 4-Star General on SEALS... I'll try to get this one finished first. Drop me a line and tell me what you think.**

* * *

 _Here I go  
To take the one and only road I know  
in my life  
Here I go  
Another place to bare my heart and soul_

 _Scorpions- Restless nights_

The day had flown by and she was tired now. She had enjoyed learning all about the local herbal remedies and treatments and her notebook was practically full. Kirun had shown her the sleeping chamber in the makeshift clinic just before leaving her to her own devices. She hears Edison saying something along the lines of going to inform the major before he takes his leave. So she lays down on the bed to relax a little.

 _Wow, this bed is so comfortable. I never want to get up again._

After that she drifts off into a little nap and only wakes up when someone touches her shoulder and gently shakes her. "Hey doc, wake up. I brought some dinner."

She needs a couple of seconds to realize she isn't still dreaming, and _Evan_ is really standing next to the bed.

 _He called me doc, wow I never would've thought that would hurt._ _ **Idiot! He was only playing a part this afternoon! You are**_ **pretending** _ **to be a couple!**_

She rubs her eyes again to buy some time and collect herself before she answers. "Thank you, major. The day was tiring, and I needed to lie down a little bit."

They quietly share their dinner and she secretly enjoys to have him all to herself. _Even if it is just pretend or his job._

After they have finished their meal, she expects him to leave again and instruct her to stay put. But that doesn't happen. _Why is he still here? And why does he look nervous?_

She realizes that her thoughts must have been on display rather openly when she hears him talk: "Alizar explained to me, that all promised couples stay together in one hut if both of them are in town. The only exception apparently will be tomorrow at the festival. If a woman leaves the festival alone, her promised is not allowed to follow her later on but has to stay in the great hall."

 _He looks apologetic._

She can't say she is completely surprised by this. They are posing as a couple, but it isn't the easiest to think about _sharing a bed_ with the guy you just dreamt of.

"I understand." Starts and looks to the bed. "This bed is huge, we should be able to share it. We are adults."

 _Don't blush. Don't blush. Don't blush._ She chants inwardly and prays to god she isn't showing the heat she is feeling right now.

 _He didn't just look shocked, right? Oh god, now I made it awkward…._

She looks at him, trying to look convinced that this was a sound course of action and that there was no problem at all. _Good luck with that._

There is a long silence and she nearly starts to back-paddle but he sort of safes her from herself: "Thanks for the offer, _Doc._ But I'll take a cot in the clinic. So, I can do my job and keep you safe. I'll just need to use the wash station and then I'll be out of your hair." _Did he just wink?_

By now she is mortified by her own offer and she is grateful that he had a different plan.

Taking a deep breath, she gets up. "OK, I'll give you some privacy and get the clinic in order for tomorrow."


	10. Scared

_Would tease me through the night_ _  
_ _"Now I hate to leave you bare_ _  
_ _If you need me I'll be there_ _  
_ _Don't you ever let me down"_ _  
_ _Dazed by careless words_

 _Liquido – Narcotic_

This really wasn't his day. He had slept _horribly_. The cots in the clinic really weren't meant to sleep on and to top it off he somehow had managed to behave like an idiot when _Jennifer_ had gotten up.

 _You ignored her. That's not acting like an idiot but like a complete jerk!_

 ** _It's still no reason for her to wander off without telling anyone and leaving her earpiece behind._**

He couldn't even fault Edison for letting her leave, she is allowed to leave a room alone after all. But right now he is something between pissed off and scared out of his mind. He had instructed the medic to continue with the clinic as best as he could and left the rest of his team in the village to help setting up for the festival tonight. Which left him to search for their missing doctor.

 _Sheppard will kill me if I lost her or she gets hurt._ _ **Not only Sheppard!**_

Okay, so not the time to fight an inner war about who will kill him, if he has to report back to Atlantis minus a female doctor. He shakes his head and continues in the direction two girls, picking flowers for the festival had pointed him in. Apparently down this path is a little pond with a waterfall and women go there to contemplate and be alone.

He could see two sets of fresh footprints leading his way. _Hopefully she just took a walk with one of the women._

He could hear the waterfall by now and when he rounded the next turn, he could also see the pond. What was puzzling though was that the footprints ended in front of a huge boulder. He waved his hand in front of the rock expecting some sort of ATA-Gene reaction and some hidden door opening.

 _The people here don't operate Ancient tech and we scanned the planet. There were no technological signs._ _ **So where did the people belonging to the footsteps disappear to?**_

He turned around again to scan the immediate area. _Maybe I overlooked something._

He couldn't say how long he stood there contemplating what to do next. But when he put his hand up to trigger his earpiece, he heard a faint swishing sound behind him and whirled around drawing his gun.

"Maj…. Evan, what are you doing?"

 _Great. Now I nearly shot_ Jennifer. _Can this day get any worse?_ _ **If you don't answer quickly. Probably, yes.**_

He puts his gun back in its holster and looks at her.

"You left the clinic without your earpiece and I got worried." He tries to sound soft and not angry but from her reaction he feels he failed.

 _She looks really angry._

He observes as she turns to her companion, _a pregnant woman_ and bids her adieu, with a thank you for the _dress._

She waits to speak until the other woman has rounded the corner. "Major, this was unnecessary. You scared me and Antera. What were you thinking? I was taking a walk with her. I never was in any danger. So now you can go back to your negotiations and leave me be."

He could only look after her when she stormed off.

 _I should let her cool off, before trying to apologize. We have to survive tonight and finalize the trade agreement._ _ **If she cools off!**_

He really hoped that Jennifer would be calmer tonight. _Maybe I can talk to her when we prepare for the festival. We should arrive together anyway._

He takes one last breath and then returns to the town.

This will be a long night.


	11. Impulsive

**A christmas miracle... I managed to get this ready :). Enjoy and happy holidays.**

* * *

 _You can't start a fire_ _  
_ _You can't start a fire without a spark_ _  
_ _This gun's for hire_ _  
_ _Even if we're just dancing in the dark_

 _Dancing in the Dark – Bruce Springsteen_

She is standing in front of the little mirror in the sleeping chamber of the clinic. The girls had insisted braiding her hair for her. Apparently, the styling was important, as it was meant to signal her _availability_. It was silly and probably only meant as a complement, but it still was confusing. Amira had explained that her braid meant she was _joined_ with her man.

 _How did they get that impression? We haven't even said a word to each other, let alone spent more than 5 minutes in the same space the whole day._

 _ **And now you are stalling before going out there to meet him.**_

She smooths out non-existing crinkles in her beautiful blue dress, takes one more breath and finally pulls the door open.

She had expected him to wait inside for her, but she can't see him. So, she does what had become second nature over the course of the day.

"Edison? Where is everybody?" There is only a little bit of confusion in his voice, but she can still hear it.

 _Great, now the team probably thinks there is something going on._

 _ **And what would they think is going on? This is a mission and he is probably only wondering why his boss isn't here yet!**_

"The major should be there, maybe he is waiting outside. Do you want me to radio him?"

"No, thank you. I'll check outside and meet you at the festival site."

She goes outside and sure enough he is standing there, waiting for her, looking at her. _Staring?_

She automatically feels self-conscious and starts smoothing out the skirt again. They don't say a word to each other, slowly walking to the festival and the now flaring up bonfire.

She is thankful, that they still have a task and that they are always with other people. Somehow, she also manages to play her part in their pretend relationship. It is getting harder to remember that it is all just pretend, because he is _that attentive._

And then the music and the _dancing_ starts. They are sitting at a table a little bit out of the way, just observing the other couples. After a while she notices the little glances from the girls and women she treated over the course of their stay. _Why are they looking at me,_ _ **us**_ _like that?_ _ **You should probably also dance!**_

She now realizes what this must look like. The people here probably think, they had some sort of fight. _Or worse figured out they are only pretending._

Before she knows what she is doing her body has already acted – gotten up, and she hears her voice: "We should dance."

If is confused he doesn't show it for her to notice, gets up and offers her a hand to guide her. They are quietly swaying in rhythm with the music. After a little time has passed, she even lets herself relax, maybe even pretend that she is really dancing with her _fiancé._

"Is everything okay?" she hears his voice close to her ear. She lifts her head of his shoulder _when did I lean on him?_ and looks into his grey, worried eyes. She is _mesmerized_ and mumbles "Yeah, everything is okay. Just tired, I guess." He moves to lead her back to their seats, but she stops him, wants to continue dancing, pretending just a little while longer. When he pulls her back to him, she stumbles and before she realizes what she is doing she kisses him. When he breaks the kiss, and lets his arms drop to his side, she does the first thing that pops in her mind.

She runs.


	12. Cautious

_This world can hurt you_ _  
_ _It cuts you deep and leaves a scar_ _  
_ _Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart_ _  
_ _And nothing breaks like a heart_

 _Mark Ronson – Nothing Breaks Like A Heart_

He had been wrong. It could get worse. Right now, he had no idea how to solve the _problem_ he was having right now. His men had looked at him curiously when he had informed them that he would be sleeping in their hut last night. They also shared some knowing looks, but he had no idea what they thought they knew, or god forbid _had seen_.

He makes his way out of the hut and walks in the direction of his men first. They are already packing up the supplies.

"Where is Edison?" he asks to be sure _Jennifer_ is not alone.

"At the clinic, packing up with the doc." comes the expected response. He nods and turns towards his new destination.

The village is already pretty busy, and everyone is pitching in. They are putting away the decorations and cleaning up the town square of the remnants of last night's bonfire.

He walks in the clinic and sees her standing near the door to her room. She actually freezes for a second or two when she notices him and then she disappears through the door. He moves to follow her, because he needs to talk about what happened, but he doesn't get that far.

His Lieutenant steps in his way.

"Anything I can help you with Sir?"

 _Yes, get out of my way!_ Better not growl at your soldier for posing a valid question.

"How much longer will you need to pack up? We should leave soon, if we don't want to miss our scheduled return slot."

 _I should talk to her, but when we are alone or on the walk to the gate._

He barely hears Edison reply and leaves again.

A short while later the small group is ready to go, and he notices that _Jennifer_ is always sticking to one of his men. He could order them to let him talk to her alone, but he also guesses that this would make them wonder.

 _And I really don't want more gossip than necessary._ He is sure that this mission will spark gossip, especially if someone saw the kiss and talks or writes about it in the debriefs and reports.

 _And someone will kill me back in the city!_ _ **Yeah that is probably why she kissed you. Idiot!**_

He wasn't particular looking forward to the debriefing, but he couldn't avoid it. So, he _soldiered_ through, always wondering about the smirk on his CO's face.

She leaves the room so fast after Sheppard announces the meeting is over, he has no chance to stop her.

He makes his way towards the closest transporter and is debating to go to her now when Sheppard steps in with him.

"Going to rest?" _If I say no, he will for sure want to know where I am going._ "Yes, Sir."

"Fantastic, I am going your way."

So, he decides to take some more time to think about how to discuss with Jennifer

 _Really should stop thinking about her as Jennifer!_

what that kiss meant.

 _If it meant anything at all._ _ **She is probably embarrassed and doesn't want to talk about it.**_

He knows he will think about it. Still can feel her lips on his when he closes his eyes.

Sweet torture.


	13. Separated

**Ok guys, here it is. The John Sheppard part, that sprung to my mind while plotting this thing. I hope you find this as amusing as it was in my mind. :)**

* * *

 _You don't get angry when I change the plans  
Somehow you're never out of second chances  
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again  
I'm so lucky that I've found_

 _A true friend_

 _True friend – Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus)_

Okay, so my silly little plan didn't actually completely work.

My XO and my CMO have barely looked at each other or spent any time in the same room. To be honest he has tried to talk to her, but she can be freakishly fast if she wants to. And right now, it looks like she really doesn't want to be near Lorne for more than five seconds. Let's not even talk about being alone with him. Last week she let Marie do the post mission exam while she was looking after Edison and didn't double check.

Funnily enough, not my biggest problem right now. XO is off world – not expected back for a couple of hours; CMO on the mainland for some self-defense training or other with Ronon and hey, Dr. Biro is on midway, ready to arrive back in town.

So, my first order of business is going to the gate control deck and wait for Biro to arrive.

Ah, and there she is.

"Welcome back, doc. How was your trip?"

"Very relaxing, if not confusing. Thank you for accommodating the change in plans."

"Don't worry about it. We all have had some sort of booking mix-up happen to us at some point."

We are walking up the stairs and seconds after the gate has shut down a new wormhole is starting to come in.

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" I hear Chuck's voice and walk over to him. "Who is it?"

"Major Lorne's IDC, seems like they ran into a little resistance."

"Let them through!"

After that I turn to Doctor Biro who is still standing behind us. "Can you help in the infirmary? Keller is on the mainland and Becker is in surgery."

She simply nods, turns to leave and in one swift motion puts in her ear piece.

Doctor Biro has rounded the corner when I remember why I wanted _needed_ to talk to her. "Doc, just so you know: we told people you had a family emergency and that was why you left so abruptly." She actually looks confused for a second. "Ok, but I still need to apologize to Major Lorne for making him postpone the prepped mission and to Jennifer for leaving without informing her."

I wince _visibly._ She looks at me like I am about to keel over. "About that…. Keller went with Lorne's team. The mission was a success. Don't worry about it. As I said: family emergency."

We have arrived at the final transporter which will bring her to the infirmary, which means I get to sprint back to the gate room to find out what the heck went wrong now.

Still, I faintly hear her call for Keller on the radio before the doors close and now I can only pray neither Jennifer Keller nor Evan Lorne _ever_ learn that I had a hand in their last mission, just because it somehow led to even more distance. But maybe, just maybe time will heal all _wounds_ and these two figure out how to deal with their feelings.

Time will tell…


	14. Reset

_Finally you've come along_ _  
_ _The way I feel about you it just can't be wrong_ _  
_ _If you only knew, the way I feel about you_ _  
_ _I just can't describe it, oh no no_

 _Finally -Ce Ce Peniston_

God, that had been one unnecessary long debrief. He knows in his head that it probably was only so Sheppard could get the full picture of why Edison was now lying in the infirmary with what looked like a leg beyond help.

He makes his way to the infirmary now as fast as he can. He really needs to know what the status is. When he rounds the final corner, he can hear snippets of a conversation, probably a transmission.

"Yes, colonel. We have done everything we can for now. I can tell you more after I had a conversation with Dr. Keller!"

 _Biro is back? And where the heck is Jennifer?_ _ **Didn't you want to stop calling her Jennifer?**_

He ignores the thoughts, instead approaches Dr. Biro.

"Hey Doc, welcome back. Hope everything is okay back on earth." He sees her look a little bit confused for a second but attributes that to the fact he asked about her instead of his soldier.

"Thank you, major. Everything is fine. My stay was very relaxing, but you surely didn't come here to ask about my trip, right?"

 _Did she just say relaxing and trip? Family emergency must mean something different to her …_

He composes himself but doesn't get to ask his real question because the infamous blonde, that has been occupying his thoughts comes in wearing simply shorts and a tank. "Lindsey, what is going on? How can I help?"

 _Great not even a glance or nod, that acknowledges me here. How am I supposed to fix this?_

He remembers vividly Sheppard's last words:

"I don't care what happened on that darn planet. Just fix it! I can't have my XO and CMO not talking to each other at least professionally."

He tries to give the doctors some room while still waiting for an opportunity to get an update on Edison. _Why is Biro giving me these weird looks?_

"Sorry to interrupt but what is the status of Lieutenant Edison and when can I expect him to be back on duty, any duty?" _Was that a frustrated growl?_

In a heartbeat he knows it had been a stupid thing to say but surprisingly he gets a friendly answer from Dr. Biro:

"He got through the first surgery okay. Now we must wait, and later Dr. Keller will use one of Dr. Becketts research projects and try to save the skin and all muscles in the leg. If that works Edison will be back in maybe 8 weeks. If it doesn't work…" he holds his hand up to stop her.

"Thanks, I understand. When can I see him?" He is slightly startled by the voice coming from behind him.

 _When did she leave, change and come back?_

"Tomorrow. He is still under heavy sedation. Have you had your post mission check-up yet? If the answer is Yes: you better leave now, or I'll confine you to a bed." _Apparently, I am not solving anything tonight. **So why not leave now and make up a battle plan!**_ He shrugs his shoulders and bids the two docs goodbye. Still receiving weird looks from Dr. Biro.

The next morning, he goes directly to the infirmary, but the nurses send him away immediately. Something about breakfast being an important meal and he should stop by later, when a doctor is in. His stomach seems to agree with that assessment and so his next stop is the mess hall. He grabs a sandwich, a bottle of water and an apple and looks around for a table to sit down.

 _Have a quiet breakfast._

A ray of sunlight turns his gaze to the corner balcony. _No time like the present._

"Hey, mind if I join you?" he announces himself from the door. She doesn't look particularly happy, so he tries a different tactic: "Look, Sheppard basically ordered me to get back to speaking terms with you. Can we please just clear the air?"

 _Okay, that wasn't the right thing to say either._

"OK, sit. What do you think we need to talk about?" _Crossed arms. Never a good sign._

He sits down opposite her and leans back, wracks his brain where to start. _Didn't I have a plan?_

"Look, doc. I am sorry. I could've handled our last mission differently. Can we please forget about it and start over?"

 _Was that hurt on her face?_

He must have imagined it because now he can see only _determination_.

"Okay." She nods and offers him her hand. "Hi, I am Jennifer. CMO of this fair city."

He grins at her, shakes her hand and answers: "Hi, I am Evan. Apparently the resident military paper pusher , if the rumor mill is to be believed."

This is not exactly what he really wants, he has to admit that and their kiss will probably still haunt him for a while, but it is a first step. And hearing her laugh makes it all  
 _worth it._

* * *

 **So Evan really didn't like the first ending and wanted a shot at happyness, even if John had to "order" him. What do you think?  
For now this is the end. I am going to play with my new Sheppard bunny and finally finish a 7year old JAG story (man I am slow).**

 **Have a great start into 2019 and thanks for reading this til the end.**


End file.
